A Brother's Lament
by Miss.Puppet.1
Summary: Al knows that something isn't right. He also knows that Ed is missing. Are they connected? And if so, will he be able to find Ed before something terrible happens? (TW suicide attempt, mentions of self harm)


_It's me again. With...the same type of story as the others. Oh well, stick with what you do best. Fortunately, this one isn't as depressing as my other stories. At least, I don't think it is. _

_Either way, thank you for putting up with my lack of originality. But if you liked my other stories, maybe you'll like this one too. (Pst, if you have any ideas of new stories that may or may not be depressing, I'm willing to take suggestions.)_

_So, Disclaimer- If I owned any part of the FMA franchise, everyone would hate me because all of the character would probably kill themselves before the show ended._

_ALSO! If you or someone you know has thoughts of suicide please call 1-800-273-8255 (For the US) (For other countries, a quick wonderful Google search will provide the number for other countries.) Seriously, please call._

I know something's wrong. Well, I think something's wrong. It feels like it but I can't imagine what might be wrong. Winry and Aunt Pinako are in Resembool. Mustang and the others are in the office upstairs. Ed is…probably just being Ed. Things are quiet, and there's been no news or urgent phone calls. So what's wrong? I guess I can go check up on everyone. I'll call Winry first.

Ok, she finally answered the phone. "Al? I'm surprised that you actually called for once. Is Ed's automail broken again?"

I scratch my head; glad Winry can't see me blushing. "Hah. No. Nothing like that. I just wanted to make sure you and Aunt Pinako are doing okay."

"Oh, well, yea. Everything is fine over here." She pauses. "Why? What's going on?"

I blush even more. How can I explain this? "Oh nothing. Everything's fine. Really. I just…" I take a breath. "I don't know. I guess I thought something might be happening. I've been feeling…"

"Feeling what, Al?" Crap, she sounds worried.

"Ah, well, it just I feel kind of weird. I feel like something might be wrong, but nothing's going on."

"Hm. I would trust my gut feeling. Maybe you could ask around? See if anyone is troubled and need help? Whatever it is, you can find it and fix it. I hear that you're doing much better with your new body now, right?"

"Heh. Yea. I think I finally have it under control and I've gained up some fat and muscle. It's so different from the armor. Anyways, I should get going. I'll go see if Riza knows anything. Bye, Winry! I'll try to call again soon!" I hung up, but not before Winry mumbled something about being in hurry.

Oh well. I'll keep searching.

The feeling's getting stronger. But if anyone knows what's wrong, Riza will. Wait. She is the Fuhrer's assistant now and Fuhrer Mustang is always keeping her busy. Well it's the other way around, actually, but I'm sure one of them will see me.

I run upstairs towards the Fuhrer's office and run into Havoc when I turn a corner. "Whoa there, kiddo. Where are you running off to in such a hurry?"

"Oh, I'm sorry…" Crap. I don't know his rank! Crap. I don't know ANYONE'S rank! They've been changing so much since Mustang became in charge.

Havoc laughs as if he read my mind. "Just Havoc, k? We've all kind of stopped caring about ranks. They haven't seemed very important lately. After everything that's happened…"

I know he's talking about the recent death of former Fuhrer King Bradley and the final battle with the homunculus. Everyone is still trying to process it. It seems so long ago but it's only been a few months. Even Brother and I have been struggling a bit. Though, in all fairness, we have way more than a new Fuhrer to worry about. Between our new bodies and trying to find stuff to do, we've been fairly occupied.

"Hey, kid." Havoc waves his hand in front of my face. "I think I lost you there for a second. You okay?"

"Oh yea. I'm fine. I've just been wondering if anything's going on that I should know about."

"Ha! That anxious to get back to work, huh?"

"Um…sort of. I just want to know if anything's wrong. All morning something's felt…off. I think something's happening, or is going to happen, but I don't know. Do you know anything?"

"Sorry, kid. No idea."

"Well, do you know if Riza's available?"

"Actually yea. She's with Roy, I mean the 'Fuhrer', having lunch. They still eat it in the cafeteria. Says it feels better to eat with everyone else."

"Alright, thanks, Havoc!" I take off running. Actually, it's more like a fast walk, since running isn't _technically_ allowed. I hear Havoc's laughter fading behind me. I look back for a moment. How does his cigarette stay in his mouth when he laughs like that?

I reach the cafeteria quickly. Mustang and Riza are sitting in the far corner. I see Falman and Breda sitting next to them. They haven't eaten much, so now would be a great time for me to eat too. I have to remember that this body does need food. I grab my food and walk towards them. Breda moves over, leaving me space, and everyone greets me as usual. Nothing seems wrong. I decide to let them continue their conversation before I ask.

I tune out and focus on eating. I barely finish my sandwich before I heard Ed's name. I look up and see everyone looking at me. "Hm?" My mouth is still full of food. Once I swallow, I start over, "What?"

Riza speaks first. "We were wondering if you knew where Ed was. He isn't in any of his usual rooms."

"Actually, I haven't seen him since yesterday. He acted weird, but he is Ed after all." Everyone voiced agreements. "But I did think he was with you guys."

This time Mustang starts speaking. "None of us have seen him either. When Fullmetal left yesterday, he seemed…off."

"He seemed more distant than usual. Actually, I've noticed that he's withdrawn from us the last few weeks. Has he seemed like that to you, Alphonse?" Riza looks at me.

I look down at my food, trying to recall. "Actually, yea. He hasn't been talking to me a lot. I can tell he's been trying to keep up his usual attitude, but he was obviously really tired. At least, I think he was tired. He was zoning out a lot and not really listening when I talk. Do you think something's wrong with him? That would explain what I've been feeling all day."

"What do you mean, Alphonse?" Riza leans over.

"Well, I…uh…when I woke up today, I got this weird feeling. It feels like…well just like something's wrong."

Mustang speaks up again. "I have always believed in trusting your instincts. If your instincts say that something is wrong, then something probably is wrong."

"That's what Winry said too."

"Winry is a smart girl, that's for sure. But we should get back to the topic at hand. Fullmetal could be in trouble, which isn't surprising. Ever since you two got your bodies back, he's been looking for trouble more often than usual. Which is saying a lot. Where could he be?"

We all go quite, trying to think about where Brother might have gone. I look up. "I could check his apartment."

Riza nods towards the rest. "And we will ask around the building. Knowing Edward and the kind of trouble he gets into, someone is bound to have seen him."

"Okay. Thanks." I stand up but pause. "Um. I can't explain this, but I feel like we need to hurry."

Riza stands with the rest and salutes. "We will do what we can. The Fuhrer is free for another hour or so."

Mustang groans but stands up with the rest. "Alright. Let's get this over with."

We all walk away, our lunches forgotten. The moment I leave Central HQ I run in the direction of Ed's new apartment. Now that I think about it, I remember that Ed suggested we live separately just over a month ago. Maybe the apartment has something to do with what's going on. When I reach his building, I notice a small blood trail leading up to his floor. I hurry, sure that he must have gotten hurt. Once I reach his floor though, I notice that there was more blood next to his door. Maybe the wound got worse? I barge through the door, noting that his door was unlocked. The apprehensiveness feels like it's going to explode.

The blood increases as I walk into his bedroom. My heart clenches when I see a small puddle of blood on the floor, a bloody knife next to it, but no Ed. It takes a few minutes for my gaze to leave the sight at drift towards a piece of paper on the bed. I know it's foolish, but I hope it explains away what I see. Maybe it's not as bad as it looks. That thought becomes a mantra as I slowly walk to the bed, overstepping the puddle.

When I take a look at the paper, my brain seems to shut down, all hope falling into my stomach. Its words stab into my heart.

"_To whoever finds this first:_

_Don't try to stop me. I can guess who's going to read this, so if any of you care about me, please leave me alone. I've made my choice and I'm sticking to it. A twisted example of Equivalent Exchange. My life in exchange for an end to all of this. I don't know what this will mean for any of you but I know you will all be fine. _

_I feel so wrong. I haven't felt right for a while now. Other than that, I haven't really felt anything. I feel so numb and empty. I can't keep this going. So I'm going to kill myself. _

_I think its right that I'm the one to kill me. I fought off every other person who tried to defeat me, yet here I am. I can't defeat me without killing me. I know what I have to do. I know what I'm going to do and where I'm going to do it. I thought that cutting myself would help. But that was pretty stupid since it hasn't worked at all in these past weeks._

_I think I'm trying to put this off by writing, but I can't anymore. _

_Perhaps I'll see you all beyond the Gate._

_-Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist"_

I think I'm going to throw up. Yep, I'm going to throw up. I don't know if it's a good thing or not that I haven't eaten much today.

Ed might be gone already. Brother might be…dead.

I have to try to find him, to stop him. I have to try. I have to try. I have to try.

I stumble out of the apartment, holding Brother's note, and grab the nearest phone. Finally, I get through to Mustang's office. Riza answers, but I'm so out of breath that I have to force the words out. "Ed…blood…knife…left a note…"

Riza interrupts. "Al? Take a deep breath. What's wrong? What was that about blood?"

"ED! Ed is trying to kill himself! But I don't know where he is! He left a note and there's blood on the floor. There's a blood trail…on the street. Back the way I came. I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS!"

Through my breathless sobs I hear Riza gasp. "Alphonse…" she speaks so quietly that I have to hold my breath. "Al. We might know where he is. He checked in at HQ late this morning. I thought…we thought you might have just missed him when you looked for him. We couldn't find him in the building though. I'll put out an alert. You should get over here as quick as you can. I'll stay here to look for him, but we don't have time to send a car. It's not far. Hurry!"

I drop the phone, not bothering to hang it up. I don't even register the run back to Central. My thoughts are on Brother. Where could he be? Where would he go to commit suic- the roof!

I dash into Central, not even bothering with checking in or obeying the "no running" rule. I'm running as fast as I can. It takes a moment to remember the route to the roof entrance, but I keep running. Within a few minutes, I pass Riza and Mustang running in the same direction as me. We don't stop to talk, but it's obvious we all had the same thought. We dash up the stairs and finally reach the door. Sure enough, there's blood on the handle. We stumble through the door, looking for Ed.

There he is. He's just standing there, facing away from us. There's dried blood visible on his arms. I don't think he's heard us. He's staring down, with his feet partially over the edge of the roof. The sound that leaves my throat shocks me back into movement. I'm blundering towards him, but I don't reach him before Mustang. In one smooth move, he hooks his arms around Ed, who briefly looked like he was starting to lean forward. Mustang pulls him back and both of them land on the ground.

Ed blinks a few times. I reach out to him, but his eyes change from dullness to rage within seconds. He jerks around, making inhuman sounds. Screeching, he momentarily escapes Mustang's grasp. I scream as he fumbles for the edge and…

Mustang grabs him just in time. Ed screams and tries to fight his way out again, screaming at us to leave him alone, but Mustang's grip is too tight. I fall to my knees sobbing when Ed finally goes limp. Ed's sobs join mine as he curls up on Mustang's lap, giving up his fight. Riza stops as my side and holds me close as I try to calm down. Ed looks like he's trying to become as small as possible but at least his screams have stopped.

The moment I feel I can stand, I run to my brother, pulling him out of Mustang's lap to hug him as tightly as I can. Mustang keeps a hold on him, and Riza puts herself between Ed and the edge. Ed returns my hug, holding me as tightly as I'm holding him, and we both cry into each other's hair. Mustang and Riza slowly start to move us away from the edge, but we don't let go.

I don't know how long we stay like that but it doesn't feel long enough. I finally break away from Ed and pull him on his feet along with me. His hair, now loose, hangs in front of his face as he keeps his head down. Riza takes one side of him while I take the other. Mustang follows us. Apparently a crowd had gathered, drawn to the roof by our running through the halls and the screaming on the roof. They move out of the way swiftly and we slowly make our way down the stairs and to the lobby. We wait for Riza to call for a cab. We had all agreed that Ed should go to the hospital. I tell Ed where we're going and he nods, making a small noise.

We finally reach the hospital and check in. We have to wait for the doctor to fix up Ed's injured arms. There are deep gashes on both arms, but the doctor told us they weren't fatal and were recent enough to stitch up. Once Brother is settled, we are allowed to go see him. Riza and Mustang hold back near the door as I sit down near Ed's bed.

He turns away from me, refusing to even look at me. I can't tell if it's because he feels angry or guilty. I reach out for his hand. He flinches but doesn't move away, so I grab hold of it. "Brother…" My voice seems so far away, and I choke down a sob, unable to speak.

Ed's body shakes and I'm sure he's fighting back sobs too. Even here, we are both trying to be strong for each other. I hold on to his hand tighter and he turns around, looking me in the eyes. "Alphonse…" His voice seems even farther away than mine. He smiles slightly and sadly. "Al. You're hurting my hand."

I don't even have time to stop the laugh that escapes my throat. Soon we are both laughing, but I'm sure we both realize it was out of relief, not humor. It doesn't last long, and we sober, both of our eyes filled with tears. "Brother…why did you want to leave me?"

Ed closes his eyes and tears are streaming down his face. "Alphonse, I…I don't know how to answer that. But it wasn't about _you_. I promise it wasn't about you. It was…it was…" He stops. I'm not sure if he doesn't want to finish or if he can't finish. I squeeze his hand to let him know it's okay. He'll tell when he's ready.

I know he loves me. But I also know something is really wrong with him, and has been for a while now. I can't even try to guess how long he might have felt like this, or even what he's feeling. All I know is that it was long enough and bad enough for him to feel like dying was his only choice. I lean over and hug him, being careful to avoid hurting his arms. He carefully puts his arms around me and they linger there as I start to draw away. "Brother. Ed. I don't know what's going on, but something's wrong. Will you…do you…?" I'm sobbing again and can't continue.

Ed lets me cry for a few minutes as tears continue to fall from his own eyes. He reaches over to touch my arm, and I enclose my hand around him. The comfort helps me to quiet down for a bit. He speaks slowly and soothingly, which almost makes me laugh because he's the one who needs soothing. "What is it, Al?"

The hot tears fall harder as I shakily yell, "PLEASE DON'T TRY TO LEAVE ME AGAIN! PROMISE ME!"

Ed smiles, a real smile, and nods. "I promise." And from the look in his eyes, I know he really means it. 

_(See? It doesn't end with death!)_


End file.
